Why, after seven years of marriage, do I find it incredibly hard to hit on my husband?

My latest line to get him in the sack was, “You’ve got some work to do tonight, baby.”  My gumption was drained as my husband laughed so hard at this feeble attempt at sexiness, that his microbrew almost came out of his nose.  On a separate occasion, I tried a few intriguing dance moves that left me looking like Elaine from Seinfeld and my husband in tears.

I used to have it.  I used to exude sexual confidence.  Now…mmmmmm…not so much.

To be clear, this is all my awkward doing.  My husband would gladly, and with fervor, do the dirty any night (or morning for that matter) of the week.  I’m the one trying to bring my sexy back, and damn it’s tough!  My husband has seen two humans come out of my lady parts, and he has watched my perky breasts turn into milk-making machines. More recently, he has picked me up from the bathroom floor after an all night pukefest when the nastiest stomach bug this side of the Hudson hit our home.  He has dried my tears when the pressures of motherhood have crippled me.

For me, these moments have committed a kind of “sexual robbery,” hijacking my confidence in the bedroom.  Ironically, those same moments have actually made me sexier and more beautiful in his eyes.  Through my husband’s eyes, watching me give birth transformed me into the most powerful superhero.  While breastfeeding, I was a tireless caregiver, on the clock twenty-four hours a day.  Supporting me during times of sickness and hardship allows him to step into the role of caregiver, reminding him of how much work mothers do each day.

Strength, commitment, dedication…these qualities are added to the definition of sexy in a marriage.

But why can’t I see what he sees?

Tonight, I’m going to hug my man, use his gaze as a mirror, and silently sing, “I’m Too Sexy” in my head.

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