Anyone?

Dads, you can join in too if you’re wearing…no judgement here.

I am not wearing a thong today.  Surprise, surprise.  The thought of pulling on a thong while I’m rushing to get dressed because my three-year old is calling from the bathroom saying, “I need someone to wipe me!” just seems absurd.

Although, I’m not a complete stranger to floss as undergarments.  There was a time during my early 20’s when the thong was living a full and well-traveled life.  Red, black, lace, hot pink, under a skirt, under pants, under my PJs…anywhere, anytime could be thong time.

Sadly, (or not so sadly, depends on whom you ask) my trusty bar hopping companions now rest in darkness, stuffed willy nilly into the farthest reaches of my underwear drawer, sitting like forgotten childhood stuffed animals, only trashier.  I mean, god forbid one of the kids finds them!  How does one explain their purpose to a seven-year old boy?  I still remember my oldest, at four, pulling a butterfly shaped number over his head saying, “Look at my mask!”

He ran around the house for the next hour, like some kind of harlot superhero, protecting moms around the world from the call of the granny pantie.

Is there a place for the thong in a mom’s life besides the back of the dresser?

True, there are the occasional times when they are actually functional: the fitted dress you want to wear to a friend’s wedding or the white, poorly-lined work pants that hug your tushie right where it meets your thigh.

But what about the thong as a tool for attraction?  Has our over-sexualized, male dominated media turned me into a thong zombie who only feels hot in one because they told me so?  Or is there a universal and primal attraction to a piece of string in between our unmentionables?  I’m pretty sure if I had showcased a thong when I was attempting to intrigue my husband last week, he wouldn’t have been laughing so hard. (Read my last blog if you have no idea what I’m talking about.)

Whether or not Victoria’s Secret tricked me into thinking thongs are sexy for us girls and not just our spouses, I think it’s time to dust one off and give it a try.  Not in the bedroom, not for my man. (Sorry dude) Let’s just say…to the grocery store.  Knowing I’m sporting a cheetah print G-string while I’m searching the shelves for the cheapest diapers might make me laugh a little more that day.  In the lives of mothers, a little extra laughter is sometimes all we need.

Have a thong day and let me know how it goes…

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