Not Designed For Dating
Valentine’s Day is coming up and it got me wondering, “Do you date your mate?” My husband and I had a totally random conversation the other day in which we both agreed that it was for the best that we met each other young (we were 18/19 year-old freshmen in college) because in all likelihood neither of us would be any good at dating. Neither of us has the “game face” to be “our best selves” in front of new people. We pretty much take the approach of laying it all out there and seeing who’s left standing.
Boy Meets Girl
I can’t say that I ever really dated my spouse. It’s a lot simpler when you’re young. Boy meets girl, asks for her number, calls her that night, talking for hours, hanging out takes place for a few weeks till you have an awkward conversation where you declare that you are in fact together. My hats off to anyone having to date as an adult. There seems to be a lot more complexities to maneuver through like a landmine. There are so many articles out there about why it’s important to continue to date your spouse, but what if you never really “dated” to begin with?
Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language
I’ve said before that I have a heart for marriage and I’ve talked about how important it is to speak the love language of your spouse. A man could give his wife an expensive piece of jewelry for Valentine’s Day, but she might just want him to take her car in for new tires. I know what you’re thinking, I’m the anti-woman here right? I bet there are a lot more like me who’d gladly forsake “traditional ideas of romance.” After almost 9 years of marriage and 16 years together here’s what I believe matters more than flowers and chocolates.
1. Say “I Love You” With All Of Your Actions, Not Just Your Words – My husband is not one to spout love sonnets, far from it, but there is no doubt he loves me. It’s in everything he does from cleaning snow off my car, working his butt off so I can stay home with our kids, to taking the car in for repairs. While it’s nice to see him profess his love in a card, it’s not really necessary because I already know.
2. Be Each Other’s TOP Priority – When my husband gets home from work the kids like to clamor for his attention, but we often tell them to wait while we talk first. After 15 years, the habit of sharing our day with each other as soon as we see each other is set in stone. It’s hard for some people to put a pause on their parental responsibilities, but I believe the best thing you can do for your kids is show them what a good relationship looks like.
3. Have Sex – Yes, I said it. Find some alone time away from the kids and have sex. It can be a quickie that’s ok, just don’t forget to lock your bedroom door. Without sex, you are roommates with your spouse. Sex reminds you why you are together. Stay hot for each other – stay together.
So when my husband asked me if we should do something for Valentine’s Day I told him, “nah.” Going out on a “date” is not really a priority. To me dating is the process of getting to know someone and we both know each other cold. I know his heart and he knows mine. Romance has it’s place, but to me it’s the icing on the cake. Now love, love is your bread and butter. Love ensures you never starve.
Watch how this couple describes their love for each other after 56 years of marriage. So sweet!