Whack A Mole

I’m having one of those “MOMMY” days, you know just like EVERY other day of my life. I’m just scarfing down a cereal bar at 10:30 in the morning after getting up, taking care of the kids, bathing the baby after a colossal poop, and praying for an end to spring break so that I don’t have to referee fights between my older kids anymore. Today is just another day I will take care of everyone else’s needs while I play wack a mole with my own. I will breastfeed the baby while my belly growls and pitifully pray for 20 minutes to shower because I’m starting to smell as I dutifully make sure everyone else is showered.

“Me Time?”

I’m not going to be one of those people who tells you that housework or childcare is super hard and I just need some “Me time.” The reason being is that those are not the things that make motherhood hard. What makes motherhood hard is putting your needs last every single day. It’s telling yourself “no” and others “yes,” all the while knowing that no one will say thank you. Yes, motherhood is the ultimate thankless job sometimes. As for “Me time,” what is that?

This is for all the Mommies who are silently screaming in their heads, “there is No “Me” in Mommy.” This is for the Moms with the Mom hat super glued on 24/7. Those of us for whom “Me time” means running to the grocery store alone. Those who longingly look at their spouse’s car and wonder what it would be like just to get in the car by yourself.

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No Time For Puking

A few weeks ago, I had the stomach bug and even though I was able to get a mom friend to pick up my older kids from school and watch them till my husband got off work, I still had a baby to take care of. There is no sick time or paid time off in this gig. Promotions for the Stay At Home Mom means having another child for which there is one more person demanding your time and attention. It’s not like I don’t love my kids. I love them more than I’m willing to fully let myself feel because I know if I do I will walk around terrified every second of every day that something bad will happen to them. But this Mommy gig is emotionally hard.

It Takes A Mom To REALLY Know A Mom

I remember once when I was in my early twenties and working my first “real” job after college. I was planning an event and was so overloaded with work and stress I called my mom sobbing. I needed her, even though I was a grown woman, to listen and tell me I would be ok and that it would all work out. Awhile later, she told me that it was her birthday that day I called and I didn’t remember. I wish I could turn back time and thank her. I wish I could thank her for all the times she pushed her needs and wants way down deep and took care of me and that it wasn’t in vain. I wish I could thank her for all the times she watched my kids so I could run errands or the times she stayed over and took the night shift for me, while my daughter was a newborn so that I could actually sleep and feel like a person for a few days.

In Case You Don’t Hear It Enough

Some days I wonder if all those skipped meals and sleepless nights will ever be recognized. Oh sure there is “Mother’s Day,” but seriously there is no real break from motherhood on that day either. Maybe one day after I’m gone, my kids will reminisce about the things I did for them the way I do now that my mom is gone. Until then, I will continue to play whack a mole with my needs because right now there just is no room for “Me” in Mommy. Just in case nobody tells you today – “You are doing a good job. Thank You for your sacrifices!”