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Hang on to your socks, I’m about to say something you probably wouldn’t expect from your resident Hudson Valley Parent frugal blogger. Stay At Home Moms you MUST invest in yourselves. “What the what? You want me to spend money? On myself?”

“I Deserve” Spending

Yup, you heard right. But it’s more than just spending money on yourself, though that is part of it. When you work outside the home, you tend to form the mindset of “deserving” this or that – whether it’s a new pair of shoes, or a night out with your girlfriends. Now this mindset can set your finances back if left unchecked, but I’ve noticed that when you become a stay at home mom, the mindset is sometimes reversed – “I don’t work, so I don’t deserve to treat myself.”

The sad thing is, “treat” for me means buying myself a brand new mop and four bras. Living on one income requires that I always keep an eye on our budget. As I get more years of being a SAHM under my belt, I’ve gotten a little, tiny bit better at spending money on myself.

We’ve paid off all our credit card debt and we actually can make it between paychecks without borrowing from our savings. Ok, so sometimes we squeak by with $25, but it still counts. Those bi-weekly paychecks are tricky.

Addicted To Self-Sacrifice

Moms take care of everyone else in our family first, am I right? We make sure they have everything they need and most of what they want, then if there is money left over maybe we take care of our needs. Do you make self-sacrifice look like an art form too?

I used to think that sacrificing for my family was admirable. In the beginning it was just a matter of survival and as a SAHM I didn’t need to get my hair done or buy work clothes so it was easy to let things slide. The truth is that the longer you live like this, the more the feeling of undeserving grows and you know what else grows, resentment and sadness.

A few years ago my husband would have to force me to buy something for myself and if money was super tight, I’d sometimes return it for a refund. Not investing in taking care of your own needs isn’t admirable so much as dangerous.

Yes, we all make sacrifices for our families. Most of us already put our kids’ need first. But you can’t suppress your own needs forever. They start to bubble up in unhealthy ways. I find myself lamenting in front of my kids that I can’t do this or buy that for myself.

Investing In You Is Investing In Your Family Too

The truth is, the reason keeping me from doing that is me. When you don’t invest some money in yourself, you tell yourself over and over again, “My needs don’t matter,” or “My wants are less important than everyone else’s.” That, my friend, is no way to live. You know why? Because your family needs you.

They need you to take care of you. They need you to be happy. They need you to know that you are important and deserving.

Beyond just spending money on yourself, you need to invest in yourself SAHMs. What I mean is, you need to invest in the things that make you happy outside of your family. When you’re a SAHM the boundaries of work and home are completely blurred. There is never an “off the clock.”

I love my kids, in fact I’ve always done everything in my power to be home with them as much as possible. BUT I’ve learned that I need to pursue interests outside of them.

Find Your Happiness

Four years ago, I started blogging again and landed this tremendous gig at Hudson Valley Parent. It’s been the therapy I need to get through life as a SAHM.

It allowed me to find my purpose in the world. I asked my grandmother once if gardening was her hobby. She spent sun up to sun down tending her flowers like they were her very own babies. She said, “No, it’s my love.” That’s how I feel about writing.

That’s what you need to find for yourself. Invest in finding your love. Yes, I know you love your kids. But you need to find what you love, what motivates you, what inspires you because that passion is going to trickle down to your family.

It’s Not Wasted Money

It was super scary for me to invest money into my writing career. When I wrote my book, “So, You’re Broke?” to help other moms live well on a budget, I paid a professional editor. I started my own blog and put money into running it.

It still terrifies me to think that it all might be a waste of money. I might never make it back. It’s a REALLY slow process of changing my mindset.

Because I’m not investing in whether or not I’ll make money with my writing. I’m investing in me. I’m investing in my happiness. Each day I get to write is a day I get to feel alive. That’s what I need to remember.

Money is money. It’s temporary. As much as I like teaching tips to save it, I know money is made to be spent.

Money may not buy you happiness, but you can use it to invest in yourself. It’s not enough to say, “I’m deserving. I’m important.” If you can’t back it up once in a while. So, I urge you SAHMs, take care of yourself. Buy something you need and maybe something you want just because you know you deserve it.

I’m not saying go on a shopping spree, charge up your cards and then endure an emotional spending hangover. I’m saying loosen the purse strings, go out on a limb and find your happy. Take a class, pursue a long abandoned hobby, do whatever it takes to find your passion.

If you won’t do it for you, do it for your family. They need you happy and they need you to know that you deserve it.

Erin Johnson a.k.a. The No Drama Mama is the author of “So, You’re Broke? 18 Drama-Free Steps To A Richer Life.” She can be found writing for The No Drama Mama and Hudson Valley Parent when she’s not busy caring for her three adorable kiddos. Her work can also be found on The Huffington Post, Money Saving Mom, Mamapedia and Worshipful Living.

 

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