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I was having a conversation with a lady I met at church and I was saying how awesome it was to meet another Stay At Home Mom. It seems there are a ton of us online, but it can be pretty hard to connect with other SAHMs in real life. We were having the conversation about how we are viewed as an oddity at best and even looked down upon by some. She actually told me her own mother told her that she wasted a “good education” on her since she decided to stay at home instead of putting that education to use in the workplace. I was shocked a mother would say this to her daughter, but I’m not surprised some people think that way.
When I was in college I had a poetry professor who was especially hard and since I was getting a minor in creative writing and there weren’t a lot of writing classes I had to take not one but two of his classes to earn my minor. I remember during one office visit my senior year after reviewing some of my work he asked me where I was going to graduate school. Though I had looked at one in Boston I told him I didn’t think I was going to go. His response was, “What are you going to do then, stay home and have babies.” This of course to him was the biggest tragedy of earning a degree. Never mind that half the people I know aren’t working in the field their degree is in anyhow. But a degree left to rot in favor of motherhood; that was unthinkable. Keep in mind that this very professor had married one of his own students years ago so I wonder if he views his own wife’s choice to bear his children with such disdain. You can bet he’d look at my life and shake his head with a mixture of “I told you so” and “What a waste!” After all, I’m a lowly blogger with no published work and I don’t earn a salary at a fancy job. So I’m a failure right?
Making The Choice To Stay Home
I’ve already written a post about myths about being a SAHM including that you must not have an education or viable work prospects or that making the choice to stay at home is built upon a presumption of luxury the rest of the working gals can’t afford. Sorry but there is nothing luxurious about trying to use a bunch of coupons at the supermarket with your screaming baby and the people behind you in line giving you dirty looks. There is nothing fabulous about shopping at consignment shops – though if you’re frugal like me you probably don’t mind at all. I walked away from a 10 year career in marketing about 3 years ago. I wasn’t making the “big bucks” since I worked for non-profits. I worked around plenty of well to do career women that were all too happy to treat me like the “hired help.” I juggled work and family as best I could, but even working part-time I felt like I couldn’t hack it.
I give women who work full-time a lot of credit. It’s hard. It means having two jobs and one of them is 24/7. By the time I was ready to quit that job my nerves were shot. But even if you decided between you and your spouse that you would make it your job to stay at home and take care of your family and never worked a day in your life would an education be wasted on you? I personally think that investing in yourself is never a waste.
Role Models of ALL Kinds
If my children ask me one day if I went to college I will tell them that I graduated from the same college as their daddy. If they ask me why I don’t have a job, I’ll tell them that I chose to stay at home with them instead. I chose to sacrifice A LOT of things so that I could be there for every milestone. I will tell my daughter Hannah, that having her changed absolutely EVERYTHING about my life. Motherhood changed me. My life was not about ME anymore, but the lives I created.
I’ll tell them that by the time I was 15 I had lost my daddy and by the time I was 32 I had lost my mommy and I learned how precious and sometimes short life is. I will tell them that I don’t regret my decision not to work outside the home because I had been on the other side. I did both and struggled. I’m woman enough to admit it. It doesn’t make me any less because of it. I stopped working when my family really needed me. At my job I was easily replaced, but in my family I’m absolutely irreplaceable. My husband is a good dad, but I’m the primary caregiver and the loss of me would be staggering.
The truth is, I don’t know what the future holds for me. I don’t know how long I’ll stay at home. Maybe I’ll want to go back to work one day. The point of it all though is that it’s my choice. Isn’t that what women’s lib was supposed to give us – the choice to do what we want with our lives? BUT if you give someone a choice you have to allow for the choice to stay at home too without that degrading sideways glance or backhanded comment or even the platitudes of “you’re so lucky.”
The point is that I’m working on my choice every day. I’m raising my family the way I think is best for me. Would you look into the eyes of your daughter and tell her that she shouldn’t go to college or that raising a family is a failure on her part? Probably not. Why does it have to be an either or? Why does career “success” trump family “success?” While others are feeling sorry for my lack of a paycheck, I’m feeling intense sadness for broken marriages and families in turmoil. I have chosen the latter as the form of success to gage my life by. I’m one of the richest people I know. I am the CEO of my household. If the world doesn’t agree, well the world can shove it.
The 24/7 Motherhood Shift
I’m not saying that it’s all rainbows and sunshine over here. I feel like there are days I would love to take some time off and not have three little people relying on me for everything. There are days I want to scream when I hear “Mom, what’s for dinner?” Why? Because I know that whatever I slaved away making will just be met with, “How much do I have to eat? Can I be done?, What’s for dessert?” and it’s frustrating to no end. There are days when I just want a nap and a shower and an hour to converse with an adult during the day. There are great days too. It’s not black and white. Staying at home probably has the same highs and lows as a traditional 9 to 5 job.
The key thing is to understand that it is a job. When you send your kids to daycare, you’re outsourcing it. No judgment here. I ran a daycare for a little while. Motherhood is an unglamorous job with crap pay and no vacation or time off, not even for sick days. But if you choose this life, this job then you learn to own your choices. You roll with it and shake off people’s eyerolls or sarcastic remarks. So I dedicate this post to my poetry professor. His prediction was right. I did just “stay home and have babies.” I don’t regret it for a single second. I’m glad I had the opportunity to get a college education. I don’t think it was a waste. It’s made me who I am. Do I recommend going into debt to earn a degree without an income? NO. But there’s never anything wrong with bettering yourself. I still pursue my passion of writing. After all, here I am writing for all you lovely people.
I’m also learning every single day how to become a better mother. Not a perfect one, but a better one. The whole reason we have all these parenting books and magazines is because we want to give our kids the very best of us. It’s a constant learning process. So when you really think about it, we’re all attending Motherhood University every single day.
Every week for nearly the last four years I have proclaimed, “THIS is the week I get organized!” I really mean it when I say this. But, the reality of taking care of the other humans in my home leaves me little time to organize like Martha (as in Stewart). I admit it is disappointing to open the closet to find things spilling out, or open the dresser drawers and see all the mangled clothes. I always feel pressed for time as we race through our mornings before to leaving for school, or getting to a play date. But, Martha doesn’t live here so it’s up to me to make things orderly and accessible.
So, how does a busy twin mom without a moment to spare get organized? Well, first I had to throw away my vision of what organized looks like and really think about what it feels like. Being organized feels less rushed and less like I am behind on tasks. It feels less stressed. So, what stresses me out the most? Snacks, mealtimes and getting my kids dressed. I often forget to give myself a snack, or suddenly a child is melting down because I forgot to feed them. It is stressful pulling out one shirt after another until my kid finds THE ONE she likes. Suddenly it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and I forgot I have to make dinner! Ack!
Here is my “Master plan” to feeling organized:
SNACK TIME PREP
I divided our snacks into kid friendly portions by using Ziploc snack bags. I measured according to serving size, filled bags then I piled them into a clear plastic box and left on a shelf in a cupboard the girls can reach.
Next, I set up a shelf in the fridge with squeezable yogurts, carrot sticks, apple slices and drinks they can just grab and go. This alleviates my stress of preparing snacks on demand and gives my girls a bit more independence.
Don’t forget snacks for the car! This is my back up in case I forget to grab the snack bag!
Total prep time = 20 minutes (maybe 30 if you let the kids help). Time saved = 1.5 hours of prepping or chopping snacks on demand while the kids complain they didn’t want “thaaaat snack.”
DINNER TIME PREP
I have collected over a months worth of freezer crock pot meals my family will actually eat. I make my menu for the week, buy all my groceries and return home to assemble into Ziploc bags and freeze.
Total prep time = 1 hour. Total time saved = 6 hours.
My kids will not pick out their clothes the night before and stick to wearing that outfit by morning. By simply adding one more fold line to our shirts and pants I save a whole lot of space AND my kids can see all their options at once. For shirts I use a modified ‘Gap fold’ (it’s a real thing Google it!) and then I fold in half one more time. THAT’S IT!
This saves me the time (and torture) of watching my kids pull out one shirt at a time to get to the one they want.
Total prep time = mere seconds added to folding time. Total time saved = 40 minutes a week!
So, if you like math here are the numbers: Total Prep Time = 1 hour 20 minutes Total Time Saved = 8 hours 30 minutes
Feeling organized and saving hours of stress = PRICELESS!
What are your time saving secrets to keeping your family organized?
So thanks to an insanely packed and hot Open House night on Thursday, Sydney now has a stuffy nose and my husband has a full blown cold. Welcome back to school indeed. I was just commenting the other day how pleasant it’s been to have a sickness free household all summer and how it was all about to end. Guess it was a self-fulfilling prophesy or else just pretty good odds that an elementary school would be a perfect breeding ground for germs. Since the baby is co-sleeping in our room I know that being sandwhiched between the two of them, this cold is coming for me soon. I feel like sick mom walking.
Moms Should Be Immune To Germs
You’d think that the sheer volume of bodily fluids moms come into contact with on a daily basis would make moms immune to all manner of illnesses, but alas that’s not the case. I swear I couldn’t tell if it was me or Sydney that reeked of baby vomit yesterday. It was probably both of us. Since I’m breastfeeding that means that when this cold does hit, my options for medicine are pretty limited. Guess I’ll be drinking lots of OJ and tea and suffering through. It’s what moms do; we put our misery aside, get up (even when our body screams at us to lie down) and take care of the family. Life doesn’t stop just cause mom gets sick.
Moms – The Circus Act
Moms are born multi-taskers, juggling the needs of all our family members at once. I’m not saying we get everything done with equal proficiency, but if we didn’t at least try it seems the world would fall apart (at least mine would). Right now I just got off the phone with my husband who’s volunteering today despite feeling yucky, I’m talking to my neighbor on Facebook, watching my kids out in the backyard, writing this post and rocking a fussy baby in her chair with my foot. Sometimes I truly don’t know what I’d do if I had the ability to focus on one task at a time.
Who Is Mom’s Understudy?
So I have an important question – who takes care of mom when she’s sick? So far I’ve found that in my household the answer is no one. My husband (if I ask/complain enough) will help lighten the load by taking care of the older kids and maybe the cooking. Right now I’m still in survival mode with a newborn. I don’t know if that’s good or not. It just means that I’m used to feeling tired and a bit underwater. It’s amazing how you ALMOST get used to it. The other day my husband had off from work so he got the kids ready for school so I could catch a little more sleep. I actually noticed one layer of fog seemed to have lifted from my brain, BUT with a sick baby who needs her nose sucked out every few hours the feeling didn’t last very long.
The Comfort of MOM
There are days I knew it was going to be harder with three kids, but I think that it’s harder not having my mother around to help me anymore. I have pulled myself from the couch during a nasty stomach bug to take care of two kids, so I know I can deal with three kids and a head cold. I’m just missing the comfort of mom. A shoulder to lean on, someone to baby me and make a fuss as if I’m still the child. There is a physical comfort of a mother that I know all too well when it comes to my own sick kiddos. My husband tries to do the same things, but sometimes they just want mom. I too miss that physical comfort. If your mom is still alive you are indeed blessed.
If you can ask for help from anyone while your sick, do it. Send up an SOS, a bat signal or whatever it takes because even as I say to myself there is no time for me to be sick, the reality is that it’s going to happen whether I’m ready or not. So I’ll say cheers with my OJ, and send up another prayer that I don’t get this cold, not because I’m so worried about me, but because I worry about who will take care of Will, Sydney, Hannah and Jayden if I’m down for the count. Nobody knows better than a mom how horrible it feels to watch your kids when they feel sick. It’s even worse to watch them feeling miserable from your own tissue filled corner of the couch.
I wish you all a germ free week. Feel free to share you secrets to staying sickness free during the school year.
I had this fantasy that I was going to home school my children. It sounded like fun at the time, but then the reality of being out numbered by two feisty little divas quickly changed my mind. But, I did want to teach them some basics like letters and numbers. So I started on a journey to teach my kids their ABC’s and 123’s. I am not a certified teacher so I have no idea how to formally teach, but I do know how to have fun and that my kids really like learning. I introduced our ABC’s and 123’s in some pretty fun ways and with repetition. You don’t need flash cards or need to spend hours teaching your child. Just incorporate teachable moments into some every day activities and make it fun! I started introducing letters and numbers when my girls were around 18 months. By the time they were 26 months they had mastered ABC’s and could count to 20.
Here are 10 fun ways to introduce letters to your toddler:
EAT YOUR ALPHABET
Cookies– use your favorite sugar cookie recipe. We simply roll out a tube of store bought sugar cookie dough and press out letter shapes. You can go simple and stick to one letter per week, or go all out and help spell words with your cookies. Either way your kiddo will love the end result and it will be a fun experience.
Pretzels– use store bought pizza or bread dough to make pretzels. Start by pulling off a small piece and rolling into a snake (kids love this part) and help kids form a letter. Key is to roll in extra flour to make dough easier to work with.
Alphabet soup– can’t get any easier than that. Pop a can top and pour, or make from scratch. Whatever works for you!
Sandwiches – use letter cutters to cut shapes out of bread and let your kid slather on the PB&J.
Pancakes – use a squeeze bottle to mix and squirt pancake batter onto hot griddle. Cook and enjoy!
Play dough– cut letters out of play dough for an interactive experience.
Shaving cream– spray shaving cream (or whipped cream, yogurt, pudding) onto a tray and show your kids how to make letters using their finger tips. If you worry about the mess your little one will make, squirt shaving cream into a plastic baggie and let the air out. They can trace a letter on the bag and the shape will remain.
Letter hunt– print out letters (or write on index cards) and hide for you kid to find in your yard or around your house. Take the hunt to the streets and point out letters you see while driving through your neighborhood, or while you are at the store.
CREATE YOUR ABC’s
Stamp it out– use colorful letter stamps to create an alphabet gallery.
Letter collage– help kids find letters in old magazines to cut out and paste on paper.
Whatever you do to help your toddlers learn make sure it is fun! Never put any pressure to perform or learn quicker than they are ready. Kids all learn at their own pace. We really enjoyed all of these activities! You can use any of the same methods above to teach numbers.
What are some of your favorite fun toddler activities?
The Picture of Sleep Deprivation
As I write this post, I thank God you can’t see what I look like. Picture yoga pants, tank top, hair in a sloppy ponytail, dark circles, and an unwashed face. I consider the fact that I got my contacts in this morning without perforating my cornea a win. Last night Sydney decided that she wanted to wake up every hour on the hour to eat. I have no idea what made her go from waking up twice a night to this new nightmarish schedule, but I pray it doesn’t continue. Yes, I put my kids on the bus looking like I was run over by one.
The Never Ending To-Do List
I sit here writing this, thinking about all the other things I should be doing now that Sydney is napping. I realize it’s been at least seven weeks since I’ve even written out a To-Do List for myself. I sit here dreaming of a nap I know I can’t take. Even if I could make my body cooperate, which it almost never does, the thoughts in my head start racing, telling me I should hurry up and unload the dishwasher, finish my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, write this post, figure out what in the hell I’m going to make for dinner, take a shower, put on real clothes, sweep the dinning room, write a note allowing my daughter to get my son off the bus on her own, and on and on. For a SAHM it can be difficult not to feel like the days bleed into one another without stop, but add a newborn and sleep deprivation to the mix and I barely recognize that whole weeks are flying by. I feel like I’m not getting a lot done. I feel sloppy and lazy and oh so very TIRED.
Mom’s Night Out
The other day I watched Mom’s Night Out. It was a great movie and I felt especially connected to the main character – a SAHM of three kids and an aspiring mommy blogger. I won’t divulge too much because it was a great movie, but I will mention two parts I especially identify with (SPOILER ALERT – SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT). She calls herself the Bruce Banner of SAHMs. One minute calm and then inexplicably turning into the Hulk the next. I can relate. I often have “moments” as she calls them, where the stress bubbles over and I lose it. I try to control the Hulk, but sleep deprivation definitely makes it harder.
Yesterday I had to try hard to keep myself from freaking out over my son spilling his apple juice all over the floor. Seems so silly to me now, but sleep deprivation while parenting feels a lot like living on autopilot. I get the basics covered like remembering to get my kids off the bus, monitoring homework time, cooking dinner, getting through the bedtime routine, all the while feeding and changing the baby. Anything else, any extra work just pushes my brain past the scope of it’s lowered capacity and out comes the Hulk. The second part of the movie I really LOVE is when her husband tells her that her job is… and she fills in his pause with the word “hard.” What he says though is “important.” “Your job is important.”
It’s A Thankless Job I’m Thankful For
There are people who think parenting is not really work. After all I don’t collect a paycheck. Hell, I’d settle for a “thank you” most days over whining about what I made for dinner or settling the great “it’s my turn to watch my show on TV” debate. Well moms and dads I don’t need to tell you that this parenting gig is supremely hard sometimes. New parenthood is like boot camp. Your thoughts and decisions become dictated by someone else. I don’t eat, sleep or shower when I want too. I pray for small chunks of time when the baby is napping and the older kids are at school and then I attempt to cram a day’s worth of activities into them.
Would You Rather Eat or Sleep?
It’s crazy when you think about it. It’s torturous to have to decide which of your basic living functions you can have at a given moment. Food vs. sleep. Use the bathroom vs. get a drink of water. Yet we do it. We change our baby’s diaper while we hold our own bladder. We feed our baby while our stomach growls. If you’re like me you bathe your baby, yet have to wait for perfect conditions to arise just so you can take a 15 minute shower that almost feels like a spa, that is until one of your kids barges in telling you that the baby needs to eat so you’d better hurry up. I look around my house at things I should be doing and start to feel like a failure. I feel like being a SAHM means my house should be spotless, my kids impeccably behaved, and I should be a crafting, volunteering, Martha Stewart wannabe. But that’s just not realistic. So I have to remind myself that my job is important. It’s a good reminder to all of us. The important things in life just don’t end up on a To-Do list.
It’s A Marathon Not A Sprint
I’m finishing this post days after I started it. This morning I managed to get my kids washed, dressed and out the door in time for church, while I had to run back upstairs to change my baby vomit and coffee stained shirt. I made sure the kids looked presentable and almost forgot to run a brush through my hair. I need to make a conscious effort to remember myself and that’s what you need to do as well new mamas. Whether this is your first baby or your fourth, if you find yourself back at the starting line 10 minutes after you started this parenting race or 10 years, it makes no difference. It takes some crazy endurance because parenthood is a marathon not a sprint. So I needed this reminder and I hope you find it helpful too – RELAX, BREATHE, REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOU DO IS IMPORTANT, AND REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. THE TO-DO LIST CAN WAIT.
My Netflix subscription has just been validated with the addition of all 7 seasons of the show Californication. While the show is not for kids, my point will be. The story is set around a self-loathing writer named Hank Moody played by David Duchovny. Hank is an alcoholic, sometimes drug addict, sex addict who is trying to repair his relationship with his daughter and her mother. I’m not going to review the show (though I highly recommend it), but it had me thinking. This character has so many issues, but the one thing that he holds above all is his relationship with his daughter.
I have been blessed with 3 awesome boys. They are funny, entertaining, and I feel lost without them around. I think about them constantly. There are times I come home and they can’t wait to tell me what’s on their mind and there are days they won’t say hello for hours. They each take turns playing the role of my wing man.They are all alike, but yet could not be any more different.
The one thing they don’t give me is that look a daughter will give. That look I see on this TV show from a young girl who loves her father so much despite all his indiscretions. I have a feeling that in real life, the relationship flips when the kids get older, but by then, you miss some key bonding years. When they want something, they ask their mother. I am always the second person they want to talk to about their day. My niece travels to Pittsburgh with my brother to see the Steelers play every year. I take my boys to a Yankees game and they keep asking me why mom didn’t come!
I love my boys more than anything, but once in a while, it would be nice to be looked at through the eyes of a daughter.
So…Is this all in my head or is there some truth to the different relationships we have with our children?
Let me start this post with a confession: once the kids go back to school I kind of go on auto pilot with the whole educational crafting at home thing. I feel like I did my due diligence and picked just the right school for them with teachers who are way more patient…er um, qualified than I am. My kids really truly love going to school. They also love to match colors, sort things and use scissors (which are kept under lock and key). Even after 3 hours of learning at school they like to come home to play with puzzles, string beads and make (ugh) more art projects.
Now that they are learning to write their names and draw shapes, it’s time for my kids to hone those fine motor skills. Those are the skills that help them write, use scissors, buttons and zippers, etc. So, I took their love of colors and matching and made these fun activities for them using some (FREE) paint swatches from the hard ware store.
2 matching sets of swatches. I selected each color of the rainbow.
Contact paper (optional)
My mom actually helped me make these. She did it really quick while watching TV with the kids. What? I had my hands full potty training twins and, she had a couple of extra free hands so I put her to work.
Cut thin strips from each color on the color swatch- as wide as your clothes pin. Next, glue the strip onto clothes pin. Once everything dries kids can match the color on the pin to the color on the swatch. Like this:
This one really requires little or no effort on your part. Just supervision with the scissors. It’s all fun and games until someone’s bangs go missing. Help your kids hold the swatch and cut on the white line between colors.- great practice for developing scissor skills.
SPELLING & HANDWRITING
I laminated my swatch strips for durability and so we can use a washable dry erase marker on them. Confession #2: I do not own a laminate machine. I used clear contact paper. Yes, you can use clear contact paper in place of laminate for many projects. We pull out a laminated swatch and I write the letters on each square and help the girls spell the names of the colors, then help them trace the letters.
Laminating with contact paper is easy to do.
The key to using contact paper as laminate is to move slowly, and smooth out any air bubbles as you go. This faux-laminate is durable enough to withstand the pull of Velcro for any projects with removable pieces.
Wondering what else you can make with color swatches from the hardware store? Check out a few of my favorite finds:
Friday I found myself staring at the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine on the shelf as I was being herded like cattle through the narrow aisle at ShopRite with Sydney strapped to my chest in her carrier blissfully snoozing away. I absolutely loved reading Cosmo in my 20s. Fast forward to my 30s and I haven’t so much as glanced at a copy in a good – oh seven years. That’s how old Hannah just turned, coincidence? Probably not.
The Uncomplicated 20s
The cover was plastered with headlines like “Best. Sex. Ever.” and “It’s Sex O’clock! The Time He Wants You The Most.” I almost laughed out loud. These are the articles I used to read back when I thought the answers were complicated. These are the equivalent of romanticizing the wedding day and then leaving out the fact that the “ending” is really just the “prologue” to life as a grown married adult with children. Yes children – those messy, loud, and amazing little people that are the product of all these articles. So I was thinking as I’m reading them, what would the real titles be like for someone with kids. How about, “It’s Sex O’clock: How To Get In The Mood Before The Kids Kill It.” It’s a little long, I admit, but it’s an article I’d probably read.
Men aren’t the complicated ones; women are. It made me laugh to see full racks of magazines trying to decode men. Sex O’clock is every second a man is breathing and not eating, sleeping or watching sports – BOOM, pretty simple, but I guess decoding men is very lucrative business that would come crashing down if we actually told women that men are actually uncomplicated. Then you have parenting magazines, that leave the sex headlines to the 20 something mags like Cosmo. There are virtually no articles that tell you about navigating sex and marriage as a mom. The word mom seems to repel the word sex, despite the reality that we in fact became moms because of it.
The Post Children Booty Call
Now that I have sufficiently covered that rant, on to the “post children booty call.” Two years ago while writing an article for Hudson Valley Parent, I interviewed a mom at my daughter’s Kindergarten Open house. Little did I know that this mom, Allison, along with her husband Sean and two kids Jordyn and Avery would become our very closest friends. It turned out our kids were the same age and we lived in the same neighborhood. We started having “play dates” at each others houses pretty often. It’s very rare that a whole family gets along so well that we literally vow never to move out of the neighborhood without the other family. That’s about as close to a marriage vow as a family can make.
So one day Sean invites us over for a “booty call” as he began calling our regular Friday night get-togethers. It has been in every combination from just moms and kids, dads and kids, both whole families, just one couple and all the kids to one glorious night we hired a baby sitter to watch all of our kids together and went to a restaurant where no parents had to request crayons, cut up anyone’s meat besides our own, and didn’t have to use the word Fudge instead of the F-bomb if we were so inclined.
From “Friends” To “Family”
This past Friday was no exception. We had our friends over for a campfire “booty call” complete with smores. While waiting for them, Hannah and Jay were really getting rowdy. I wish I had a bat signal I could send up like a flair in the sky to let them know we really needed them to come quickly. I have found great strength of sanity in numbers. Allison told me that her daughter Jordyn had asked her if she and Hannah were like sisters and she told her that they had different parents to which Jordyn replied, “Well, like cousins then?” Jordyn’s rationale was that she sees my kids more often then her own cousins. So the new status of honorary cousins was granted.
Sharing important life events – Hannah and Jay
with Avery and Jordyn at our “gender reveal booty call.”
All the kids learned we were expecting a baby girl (Sydney)
when they bit into the pink icing at the same time.
These are the relationships you aren’t likely to read about on magazine covers. The ones where you quietly adopt an entire family and agree to make them as important to you as your own flesh and blood. Yet, these are probably the most important ones If you are lucky enough to find them. They are more than mere playdates where our kids play together. I see ways in which our family is rubbing off on theirs and vice versa. We’re not just planning our next “booty call” every Friday; we’re planning our lives with each other.
So the next time you read one of these 20 something magazines trying to get you to complicate your ideas of what men want, know this – men are simple and relationships are a choice. Relationships are work that starts with one person saying “I choose you” and meaning it. Then you keep saying it over and over again even when life gets hard. Marriage is what comes after the I Do. Children are what come after sex. And Booty Calls, my friend, are what happens if you just so happen to be as lucky as we are. If you’re lucky you find great friends, parenting tag team partners, and adopted family that only require a simple “you free?” for the next visit; no fancy clothes, no clean houses and no perfect people required.
It’s been a great summer, but as I mentioned in my last post these last two weeks since the end of camp have been a challenge. The fighting and tattling is driving me insane. I’m SOOOOO looking forward to the start of school tomorrow. I can’t wait to have some down time with just me and Sydney while Jay is in full day Kindergarten and Hannah’s in second grade. I can’t believe my first baby girl just turned seven this past Saturday. My step-dad was quick to remind me that before I know it I’ll be getting my newest little peanut on the bus for school. It really does feel like it goes that fast, but I swear that I’m not only going to do a happy dance tomorrow, I’m gonna do the sickest break dance a white girl with no skills can possibly do.
Don’t Let Them See Your Tears
My heart goes out to all you mamas who are entering the new phase of parenting – sending your child off to school for the first time. Whether it’s pre-K or Kindergarten, it can be hard to watch your little baby go off on their own. It seems like just yesterday they put that sweet little newborn in your arms and you silently freaked out thinking, “Really they’re just going to let me take the baby home and (gulp) I’m on my own.” Now it’s their turn to find their courage and independence.
When Hannah got on the bus for Kindergarten two years ago she smiled at me and her little brother, gave us a little wave, and that was it. It wasn’t till we got back inside that I lost it. Jayden looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Where’s Hannah? I want my Hannah.” I was ok until that moment and then Jay and I just hugged each other and cried together for a little while. Last year, I put my son Jayden on the bus at only three-years-old for half-day pre-K and not only was he not scared, he was dancing while waiting for the bus. That was something awesome since I was sure he was going to freak out. The bus pulled off before my smile dissolved and I broke down. I’ve learned that it’s ok if they cry, but the key is not to let them see you freak out because it makes them scared.
Judge Mommy Is Dismissed
As I’m writing this right now, my children are fighting over a small bouncy ball even though they are surrounded by a hundred other toys, not to mention a gorgeous sunny day and a waiting swing set. I’ve learned that there is a moment in parenting we all come to where we wish our children would just resolve their own problems peacefully. That’s all I’m waiting for, just the peace that seven hours of school will bring me.
At this point in time, my newborn is the easy one. Eat, sleep, diaper change, snuggle and repeat. It’s the older kids that are requiring more than I can provide. I forgot how hard it was to dress a Barbie doll. Between the anatomical incorrectness of big boobs, tiny waist and supremely long limbs it seems freaking impossible. I also don’t have the appropriate stamina to play with Legos for an hour. School has been such a great experience for both my kids and I’m glad that despite my year-and-a-half long battle to get my husband to consent to having a third child we waited till our other kids were in school. It means I have alone time with the new baby and time to run errands, do chores, and write without having to put on my Judge hat and enforce fairness in the house.
I love my children dearly, but I’m going to put them on the bus tomorrow with a huge smile on my face. I know they’ll be learning, making new friends, and finding their independence apart from each other. And as for me, I’ll be doing the boring things in life like cleaning the house, taking care of the baby, taking long walks in the neighborhood, drinking in the silence of a beautiful fall day, and even finding the breathing room to miss my kids, at least till the bus comes to drop them off.
Are you feeling anxious about sending your kids off to school or will you be joining me in a back-to-school breakdance of happiness?